Thursday, January 22, 2009

Tuesday, January 13, 2009

About The Lack of Motivation

Pride / Hate


Well most of you might not know this but working overseas is OVER-RATED. We have all been convinced with the idea that working in another country (especially a first world country) automatically yields financial stability. Well at least it does help. It may be true for some, but it sure as hell not true for me.

I started to fly here with hopes of finally reaching some of things I have in my to-do list. Well there are some which I am currently working on (ie looking for a better paying job) and some, well let's just say are dependent on other to-dos. :) (ie BETTER PAYING JOB) haha.

Sure I have learned a lot of things like being independent and living alone. Doing the laundry, changing the sheets, cooking (frying) your own meals among others. I have also learned that Singapore IS INDEED AN OVER RATED COUNTRY :)

Why did I say this? :) Firstly, Quality of life here is very very poor. I was at a friend's party last week when a friend of mine casually told us about her trip to Australia and she actually is considering moving there reason being that 'everything here is so artificial' I took this thought home with me and reveled on it and she actually made sense. Life here in is actually.. Artificial. :) People are driven to the everyday-ness of things. They are always rushing as if they're trying to catch something, Deadlines deadlines deadlines. their life is based upon 1 huge deadline.

Yes I am one of the few privileged that was actually able to secure a job here. For that I am very very grateful. Everytime I turn off the lights, I am thanking the Lord for giving me this opportunity. It has actually come to a point wherein each waking morning I literally have to drag myself to get out of bed and go to work. Now here's where the problem starts.. given that

I am already working in another country doing what I have always loved to do getting paid a fairly decent salary, then WHY AM I ACTUALLY WRITING A BLOG POST ABOUT NOT BEING HAPPY?

The Answer is simple and it actually dawned on me just this afternoon..

Lack of Motivation. There is no drive, there is nothing to actually push me to be the best.

In all my jobs, people have always demanded me to give my 100% even 110% I have actually gotten used it. Sometimes I actually go out of my way to present / give ideas as what technologies to use and what is new in the web design realm. but with my current company I feel that my skills are not improving but actually deteriorating. With each passing day, I feel that I am actually beginning to forget every single thing that I have learned over the past 6 years of doing web design and to tell you quite frankly, it's getting frustrating.. hence... the lack of motivation and drive. I have actually been told not to make it "too beautiful" for the client I mean WTF?!? aren't we supposed to give the client our BEST WORK? and here's my project manager actually telling me to downplay it. IDIOTS. I don't know what or how they think and to tell you quite frankly with each passing day I am really itching to burn that office to the ground.

I feel like a drone just going thru the day and literally working for the money. I go thru every month waiting for a paycheck to arrive. Just to make rent, get food and maybe have a few bottles. I have been reduced to an urban robot.

I need purpose.

I need a NEW JOB.

I admit I was happier back in Manila as a broke artist compared now a... not-so-broke dronesigner.

Monday, January 05, 2009

About having a little something to look forward to

I have been living here in Singapore for a little over 6 months now.
Life in the city can really get to you. Being away from loved ones and
good friends are always reasons that you just want to pack your stuff
and just leave.

But until you actually get to do what you have to do, giving up isnt
really an option and with that said, yoy try tp get by with the small
simple things that can make you happy.

I have learned to somewhat appreciate the little things that come my
way and be extreelmely grateful.

These are one of those days.

I have been alone in our flat for more than a week (total) and i must
say it can get pretty lonely.

Bbuuuut im happy to say that i survived the past 14 days. And now
commander is coming home weeeeeee!!! Finally someone to talk to hahaha!

Now i understand why some people really make it an effort to go out
after work. If you dont havr anything to come home to, its gonna drive
you insane.

Sunday, January 04, 2009

About a laidback salvaged sunday


Refusing to go home and feeling like i wasted my day, I decide to mall
hop I started in orchard road and now im in brewerkz having my early
dinner. All in all this day wasn't a total waste after all. I guess i
just need some time outside my room and to enjoy the outdoors for a

Work again later. Damnit.

Saturday, January 03, 2009

About a day wasted


Just when i thought I had my sunday all planned out, I make 1 forget
one tiny detail.

So I wake up relatively early today to head off to the Philippine
embassy. I fill up all te forms ahead of time to save on precious
time. I grab a quick brunch. Kill a few hours at orchard and head to
Nassim Road (where the embassy is located) when 'lo and behold I
forget my passport. Fuck me sideways yes I know i just wasted allthat
time to overlook 1 tiny detail.

Great! Idiot move of the day ;) probably ill just have to do
everything next week hopefully lines wont be as long.

*crossing my fingers*

Sent from my iPhone